“Goodbyes make you think. They make you realize what you’ve had, what you’ve lost, and what you’ve taken for granted.” – Ritu Ghatourey
We are all different – and so the way in which we grieve and say goodbye to someone we love has to be right, for them and for those left behind.
Funeral rituals and ceremonies, spanning many different cultures, civilisations and practices, are as old as time itself; we hold a funeral because it’s traditional to do so. A funeral service or ritual – whether that takes place in the presence of the deceased or subsequently, is important for so many reasons. We want to be able to acknowledge someone’s life, and to show the world that that person was loved and will be remembered. That their life counted and mattered. To have a moment of time with them for one last time.
We need on some emotional level to have closure ourselves by saying goodbye and a funeral gives us that opportunity as well as allowing us to express our grief. For those of us left behind, a funeral represents an ending, the end of a life and the closing of a chapter in our lives, but it can also herald the start of a new chapter for as Professor Morrie Schwartz wrote “Death ends a life, not a relationship. All the love you created is still there. All the memories are still there. You live on – in the hearts of everyone you have touched and nurtured while you were here.”
When someone has planned ahead and made their wishes known before their death, then the funeral enables us to give that last act of love by honouring their wishes to ensure their service and the way in which they will be remembered is as they want it to be.
During the pandemic, the opportunity to hold their loved one’s hand, to say goodbye and to have the funeral service that they wanted was taken away from so many people. Precious time together in those final days and hours and a fitting farewell for their loved one was stolen from them and it cannot be returned, for we cannot turn back the clock.
My trainer and founder of the Fellowship of Professional Celebrants Terri Shanks wrote in a recent blog: “If the pandemic has taught us one thing it has highlighted WHY we need to have the ritual of a funeral ceremony, to allow loved ones to say goodbye in a way which is fitting and meaningful for them. I strongly believe that we are yet to see the tsunami of longer term grief from those who were robbed of the opportunity to attend the funeral of someone they loved. Only when we are denied something do we all too often learn to appreciate its value.”
For all these reasons, how we mark someone’s life with a funeral, memorial service or ritual, coupled with choosing the right celebrant, can make a huge difference not only in how we say goodbye but how we move forward.
If you are thinking of a memorial service for your loved one, wanting to plan your own funeral in advance, or facing the sad task of organising a funeral, do please contact me for an initial chat to see if I am the right celebrant to help you at this momentous time in your life.